i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
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I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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