I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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