If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
