I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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