You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
