I faked an abortion last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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