So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
