i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
