I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
