We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
