A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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