I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize