i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
