I want to have your abortion
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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