You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to walk on stilts...naked
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
