Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
