Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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