Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
