we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
