the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
