Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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