i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
