I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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