Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
