Banned from zoo.
Again?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
