6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
