i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
