Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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