Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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