i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
