My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
