her vagine was all disorganized.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We are two peas in an std pod
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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