I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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