Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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