I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
