im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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