i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
