Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
