I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
