so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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