Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
