I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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