i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
