im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize