I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
