Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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