I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
