Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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