Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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