He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
