took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
