I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
