He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
