Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
