So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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