apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
