ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
