Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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