he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
