i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
