Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
