i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
