Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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