just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
