I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
