The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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