Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
