if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pants are for mortals
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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