Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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