Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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