Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
