FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
