I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we should paint friendship bongs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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